


Everybody Does It, Derek.

by Phantomlimb



Series: Holy Jolly Get On My Dick [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Awkward Derek, Funny, Humor, M/M, Stiles is such a lil shit, assholes in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomlimb/pseuds/Phantomlimb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is being a little shit and Derek is so done with his life</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Does It, Derek.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carelesshummingbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carelesshummingbird/gifts).



> I made this for a very special person close to my heart. Merry Christmas, P.
> 
>  
> 
> (Definitely listen to the song "We are happening" and "Aftershave ocean" by the vaccines when you read this

 

“ _Jesus_ Derek, the least you could do is get a couch for this place. It looks like a total grave yard; pun intended,” Stiles said cheekily to Derek’s unamused expression.

 

He’d throw something at him but really, he just cleaned the place and he rather not make a mess.

 

“Just get your book and leave, Stiles.”

“Why you in such a hurry; I don’t get under your skin _that_ much. Unless you’ve got some total hottie coming over and you just don’t want me to know abou- oh my god, that’s totally it, isn’t it?” Stiles said with as much excitement as teenagers get when they figure something out.

 

Derek rolled his eyes.

 

“There is no ‘hottie’ as you crudely put it. There’s no one.”

 

Stiles wagged his finger at him.

 

“No no no, there’s _always_ someone. You just don’t want me to know who it is because you’re embarrassed for some reason.”

“Of course Stiles, ya caught me. I didn’t want you to know because I know how you get. You figured it out. Unfortunately, I’m out of gold stars,” Derek replied with dry like the Sahara desert sarcasm.

 

This did not faze Stiles.

 

“You’re just using sarcasm as a defense and that’s _my_ thing. Ok, so it’s someone I know, most probably someone in the pack. Is it Lydia because I don’t fault you there, she’s a _total babe_.”

 

Derek’s distaste was nicely expressed by _that_ particular facial expression.

 

“Ok, so that’s a no. Oh god, is it Allison because Scott will so _not_ be down with that.”

“No, Stiles,” Derek grunted.

 

Stiles raised an eyebrow.

 

“Is it Isaac and don’t even lie, you know you’ve thought about it _at least once.”_

 

Derek looked at him incredulously.

 

“But those cheek bones, Derek. Them cheekbones could cut your hands. Cut your life. They could cut your virginity especially with his smile and wow when did I get this gay, moving on,” Stiles said with a chuckle.

 

Derek rolled his eyes once again and started walking towards the room he called his kitchen ~~even though it didn’t resemble one at all~~ because Stiles was being **annoying.** It was pointless, though, because Stiles just followed him into the next room.

 

“I know it isn’t Boyd or Erica. Definitely not Jackson, I mean god bless his face, but that’s pretty much all he has. Well that and his dick _which I’ve clearly never seen hahaha,_ ” Stiles said, laughing nervously.

“Hey, Jackson’s a good Beta and _wow I’m not even going to ask,_ ” Derek said as if he defended Jackson’s honor every other day.

 

Which he did.

 

“Ugh, fine. I’d say Scott but then that would be unfair because we’ve _all_ got a little crush on Scott. Like come on! Who doesn’t?”

 

Derek almost nodded his head to that one but stopped just at the right moment and opened the fridge and stuck his head in to have a look.

 

“Is it someone older?” Stiles asked, propping himself onto the counter.

“Sure, just make yourself at home. Why of course you can put your ass where I eat,” Derek mumbled to himself as he checked the milk’s expiration date.

 

Nonetheless, Stiles heard him. He was after all, a good listener, in case anyone’s forgotten.

 

“Oh please, this is the _only_ piece of ass you’re getting.”

 

Derek tried to fight off the fierce blush that threatened to grace his face.

 

“Oh god, is it Chris Argent? Deaton?   _Mama McCall_?!”

“I love how you just assume I’m bisexual,” Derek grumbled as he finally found the jam he’d been looking for.

“I thought you were an equal opportunist,” Stiles said, frowning.

“I am. I’ve just never said so _out loud_ ,” Derek said, not really caring. He’d never been ashamed about it; he just never felt like it was anyone’s business.

“Oh _oh,_ well then it’s just something I deduced about you. Just like how I deduced that you were a total Danny Zuko wannabe in high school,” Stiles mumbled at the floor where he was completely focused on his shoes and refusing to meet Derek’s eyes.

 

It was a complete lie and it was a surprise to Derek to hear Stiles’s heat blip over.  Normally, Stiles rarely ever lied to Derek. It confused him and the smell of embarrassment radiating off of Stiles didn’t clear things up any further.  The smell was so penetrating that Derek was actually worried.

 

“Stiles, what did you do?” He asked, staring at Stiles’s face intently.

 

He had no choice. He was in the room with a werewolf, an _Alpha_ nonetheless; it was like being with a walking and talking lie detector. So he came clean.

 

“So um, at one point, I may have been on your computer and I found _yourpornfolder_ ,” Stiles said hurriedly. He grabbed an apple that was on the counter and took a deep bite of it, hoping to delay any further questions Derek might have.

 

Derek froze.

 

Stiles continued to eat the apple nervously, swallowing it in odd moments.

 

When he finally composed himself, in a rough voice, he asked “How much-how much did you, um, see?”

“All of it,” Stiles said around an apple piece.

 

Derek put down the jam jar that he’d been gripping a bit too tightly and said “Okay.” 

 

He then proceeded to lock himself in the bathroom and suffer a mini panic attack. He let the water run so as to cover up the fact that he was now talking to himself.

 

“Ok, it’s fine. It’s fine that he saw it. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. You are a healthy twenty four year old _adult_ and what is he? A _fetus._ ”

“ ** _Excuse you,_** ” was heard yelled from the other side of the door.

“Stiles, go away, let me have my existential crisis, it’s been a long time coming,” Derek yelled back.

“Dude, so what if I looked at your porn folder? You have one, I have one, every living male has one. Are you embarrassed because of your preferences because if that’s the case, don’t be. We all have our kinks. Just cause you’ve got a thing for skinny pale boys with freckles doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. God knows if that was the case, no one would ever find me attract-“

 

Derek rested his head on the door. Game over.

 

“Holy- _holy shit, Derek open the fucking door. Derek, Derek, get the fuck out here, it’s me oh my god, it’s me you-“_

“ _Don’t_ ,” Derek said as he opened the door which made Stiles fall on him because the dork had been leaning all his weight against the door.

 

Stiles scrambled off him, ~~purposely~~ accidentally groping one of Derek’s pecs. Derek kindly ignored this.

 

“Don’t what?” Stiles asked defiantly, not caring that he was literally egging an _Alpha_ on.

“Don’t assume _things_ ,” Derek said through gritted teeth.

 

Stiles’s face faltered for a mere second before he turned it into his normal smirk; but Derek had still seen his face fall and hated himself for being the cause of it.

 

“Ok, if you don’t want me to assume things, then tell me I’m wrong. Say it to my face,” Stiles said with determination, amber eyes blazing fiercely.

 

Derek studied Stiles’s face and opened his mouth to argue but shut it. He tried to say that he didn’t like him but the words wouldn’t come forward. He turned away and focused on the shower curtain.

 

“That’s what I thought. So I gotta ask, why are you being so dark about this?” Stiles asked inquisitively.

“Because I’m waiting for you to mock my pathetic little crush on you; so get on with it, I have a jelly sandwich waiting for me.”

 

Stiles’s eyes snapped wide in surprise.

 

“Whoa, wait a minute, _what_?”

 

Derek sighed.

 

“Look Stiles, I know everyone likes you, so I’m not even gonna try. So get on with the rejection.”

 

At this statement, Stiles narrowed his eyes in disbelief, grabbed Derek by the front of his shirt and yanked him towards him and kissed him profoundly. Derek’s body seemed to be way more in tune with the situation than his brain because he responded to the surprise kiss; _thoroughly._ Stiles concluded that this was his first real first kiss ~~because that moment with Scott was a brief moment of confusion _everyone_ gets with Scott.~~

When they finally parted for breath, both of them were smiling like they’d won Jeopardy.

 

“So are we-we a _thing? Are we-we hapening_ ,” Stiles asked breathlessly.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re definitely a happening,” Derek answered as he pulled Stiles back in (which Stiles happily complied)

**Author's Note:**

> leave your thoughts in the comments


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